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Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."

absurdity, merrymaking, tomfoolery, nonsense, high jinks, amusement, and fitness

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Thursday, September 28, 2006


I know, another kid post. I will keep it brief. Max had a serious haircut yesterday. I've had more success washing a cat. Let's just say he didn't like it. It took 2 of us to hold him down for the hairdresser. Meanwhile the 3 other children that were along for the ride took great pleasure in destroying the place. Last time she accepts a last minute walk-in at closing time.


WOW, he looks like a boy now. I like the long hair better, although now we can see his green eyes.

Ropes. My nickname in the fire department. Yes, this is because of my enviable, easy-access veins. In fact they are SO prominent that the paramedic students used to come by to check out out the valves that you can also see in my veins.

Why do I mention this? Because I have read on several blogs how excited people get about seeing veins. I have spent most of my life hating mine and trying to hide them. They look mannish to me. I guess I inherited them from my dad and his stick out too, hence the man vibe.

NOW I have a special treat for y'all in my next post. There is a new SUB* on the block and I can't wait to introduce her. You guys will freak.

*Which reminds of me of the long lost Tracey. If you are out there (and Jim I know you know where that ho is hiding) WTF???? Did I stumble into some bad lighting??? Do ya hate me now? Swing by and say F-you or something.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Can You Tell My Husband is Still Out of Town?

Who are these people? They show up, they expect you to drop everything and cater to their every need. I cook, I clean, I chauffeur them around, yet they still complain and criticize.

They don't like this, they don't like that.

No thanks, no preparing ME dinner. Where are my clean and folded clothes?

I pay for everything. They eat and drink me out of house and home, leave dirty clothes all over the place, go through my personal shit, make diva/rock star demands, and there is no end in sight.

I wouldn't take this kind of abuse from anyone else.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

An American in Austria

Ok. I admit it. I can sometimes be very juvenile when it comes to humor. But imagine my surprise at seeing this product at my local grocery store. I suppose I am the only one that thought this to be funny in the cheese aisle this morning.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Check In.

I used to live in a commune. We had house meetings every week and went around the room to do “check in.” Pretty self-explanatory.

Here is my check in:

A) Husband is still in California. Going of 4 weeks with one left to go. Now this could turn in to an entire post in itself. Let’s see. I kind of miss him. I miss his help with the kids for sure. But I am not a conventional woman. I like A LOT of time to myself. My ex-husband traveled 2 weeks a month and it was the key to me being able to stay married. Just when I thought I would go nuts he would be leaving. In all honesty, I would be happiest if my husband and I could like in separate houses. Close, but not too close. He would be one of my lovers for sure. Ok, I think I have said enough on that subject.

B) I am in Buffmother’s Worst to Wow Contest. I pretty much choked unless I drop 3% bodyfat in the next 12 days. I don’t think it will happen. I woke up one morning and pretty much had fallen apart. I HAD to take some time off. My eating was all right. I just don’t think there is much WOW for me in this challenge.

C) I am SUPER envious of that woman that got to buy her way into space. I would LOVE to do that. Anyone got an extra 20mil?

D) I’m not sure about those Skinny Jeans. Are they right for me or not? This is keeping me up at night.

E) I might be done with blogging. I am not going to do anything rash. Just see if I feel like dumping it in another week or so.

Hot Slut of the Month!
And don’t you dare, Jim. He is flawless. I happen to like beautiful men with no brains. He's hot, but you know he can't even spell his own name. I'd still work that out though.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Sorry I haven't Blogged in a while, my car needed washing again.

3 times...they kept missing spots...

so if you don't ear from me in a week or so you'll know where I am...

off to the car wash again...

Monday, September 11, 2006

Sports and Eating Disorders

I love the sport of gymnastics. I can’t say enough good things about it. Unfortunately there is a dark side to this sport too. I hope that most young athletes don’t have to go through what I did, but I am sorry to say that too many of them did.

I am talking about the pressure to maintain an ideal body type. Our culture begins this lesson pretty early. Most of the time sports are a positive way to instill self-esteem and a healthy attitude towards food and fitness.

My experience, although not uncommon, is usually prevalent in kids that pursue this sport to a high level. Let’s face it, gymnastics is a difficult sport if you are tall, overweight or past a certain age. It is similar to ballet in the pressure of staying thin and overtrained.

It was all fun and games until I was about 14 years old. I wanted to improve my skills and possibly win a college scholarship. I knew I wasn’t going to the Olympics, but there was still a lot more the sport could offer me.

I knew of a club that had an excellent reputation. The coach was a Russian man with charisma and a winning formula. He chose only 4 girls to his elite team each year. You had to work your way up his various teams and then maybe you might be chosen one of the fortunate 4. I happened to make his team and I was beyond happy with my success.

There is no other way to describe being coached by this man than to say it was abusive. He was a clever man and had some serious problems around young girls. I will save his more criminal acts for another time. I suppose I got off easy because his special attention for me was limited to his sadistic mind games and dissecting of my physical flaws. And trust me when I say I got off easy.

There was zero tolerance for being “fat.” And to determine if you were fat, we were asked to line up in our leotards and he would walk the line and tell us what was wrong with our bodies. As a 15-year-old girl, this wreaked havoc on my self-esteem. Enter the eating disorder. It starts out as a diet to lose a few pounds, or as my coach would point out the fat that jiggles when you do a round off that is unacceptable.

By 17 I was a mess. I would go 3 days on a can of soup and practices that lasted 4-6 hours. It finally came to an end with a dislocated elbow and broken wrist that cost me 2 surgeries and a year in a cast. The end of my gymnastics career.

Where were my parents during all of this? Like the other 3 girls on my team, we never told our parents that this was going on. It is hard to imagine, but there is a sickness that goes into protecting your abuser. We were perfectionist and willing to pay the price to be the best. Plus we were no matches for a cunning adult that used kids.

Of course the eating disorder was not ignored. It was common to see this in my sport and I received medical attention. I was never hospitalized. The threat of that and possibly missing practice had me eating again.

I would like to say this guy is in jail, but honestly I don’t know. He deserves to be and I hope that if there is fairness in this world, he is.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


This is me 3 years ago. Short hair and skinny, except for the rack.
You know a lot of people like this look.

How did I do it?
I got pregnant when I was in really great shape, stopped working out, had a baby and then didn't work out anymore. Basically living off of my hard-earned muscle.

I actually liked it. For awhile.

Buff is better.